Raising dependent kids is not tough. It is simpler to raise kids who depend on you to do things for them, to think for them and to decide for them. You raise dependent kids when you do things for them, rather than encouraging them to do on their own. Doing anything means there is a learning curve involved and more often than not, we want to do everything in a hurry in today’s fast-paced life, leaving no time for kids to go through that learning curve.
We fail to realize that the dependency we are inculcating in our kids today, will evolve into low self-esteem tomorrow, where they look for someone else’s guidance to rely on. Because their mind hasn’t been trained to think through things in its formative years. And has a low self-esteem person ever been happy? No. All he wants is high self-esteem so he can be happy!
Here are top three ways in which you are raising dependent kids, without even realizing. And how we can resolve this dependency to raise independent, happy kids.
1. By doing things for them. When you do simple things for a kid, you take away his ability to trust in himself, and he grows up believing mommy would do it better, not me. Because he has seen you doing it quick and precise. Though he takes time (as there is a learning curve) and gets irritated with himself. These later develop into low-confidence symptoms.
So let him do things for himself. At least, let him try. He’ll learn.
2. Another way, we encourage dependency is by speaking for them. Again, speaking for kids indicates an attitude that I, as your parent, can do it better, and hence let me do it. Such a kid who is not allowed to speak for himself grows up with low self-esteem, thinking he can’t say it right- only those who are elder to him can.
Give her a chance to speak. Though not perfect yet, she’ll get there only when you let her take the first step.
3. By thinking for them. When you think for them, you provide kids a dependency on others. They grow up thinking that it is only natural for others to decide for them, or alternatively, for them to follow others. Besides, their mind gets conditioned to not thinking to make a decision because it was never trained so.
So let the training begin.
Here is a quote by anonymous that perfectly sums up my thoughts for this post:
Don’t lean on others; you don’t need to. You were born with two feet for a reason.
And here’s a little modification from me:
Don’t let your kid lean on yourself or on others; he doesn’t need to. He is born with a sound mind for a reason.